Another Ode to Internet Popup Ads
by Vision in Blue
Summary: I'm back with more annoying pop-up ad goodness... and an infamous emoticon is guest starring!


_Another Ode to Pop-up Ads_

_More pop-up ad goodness with an annoying emoticon guest star!_

**A/n: I'm back, and I'm angry. And now I kinda regret saying that Billy Mays had annoying infomercials because now he's, um, dead. This is a sequel (somewhat) to 'Ode to the Annoying Pop-up Ads', so if you haven't checked it out already, go ahead and do so for more angsting. (:**

**Disclaimer: Hi, allisonosity here and I don't own most of the things I mention here. It's obvious to tell what I do and don't own; you'll see.**

_Is this a picture or a lamp? THE IMPOSSIBLE IQ QUESTION!! _

…I really don't appreciate looking at an ugly lamp. What? My mind isn't dirty enough to think that the beige around the outside is really… pervert. This measures my IQ _how_, exactly?

_1 Sexy Stomach Rule… OBEY_

… No way!!

_Free* phones with all these cool features! *with a 2 year contract that binds you to a financial hell chock-full of features you couldn't care less about_

Repeat after me: just because I'm blonde, doesn't mean I have the IQ of a Barbie Doll…

_Clear braces! You won't end up like this girl (picture with pizza oozing out of brackets). You'll be this girl (picture of girl, clearly without the braces depicted and with the aid of photoshop)!_

Are you playing on my insecurities, oh magical computer? Seriously, are you scanning my brain right now? What am I thinking of? C'mon, prove yourself…

_Look at this new fantasy YA fiction book that is so-not-totally ripping off of Twilight!_

Great… just what I want in a book. A flat lifeless female protagonist meets a "sexy" male protagonist who knows a little too much about the female protagonist. But, because he's sexy, she will never question his motives. I was, like, totally thinking about that!!

_:Link for online colleges that offer a degree in criminal scene investigation:_

… I'm majoring in English Lit or Psychology. Please, don't tell me what to do with my life; I get that a lot already. I'm not even done with HS yet. I didn't even finish my APUSH 1 summer work yet!

_Get your small business up and running!_

OMG. My lemonade stand from kindergarten will be nationwide!

_Full bodied, sexy avatars are clearly at it again._

No one likes you guys. Seriously, it wasn't sexy now, it still isn't sexy. The life I've always dreamed of DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU GUYS IN IT.

_Do you know about Netflix?!_

…After seeing the commercials just about a gazillion times and the counter-ads from Blockbuster… no, I don't. Care to grace me?

_It's [insert country here]'s favorite [insert type of game here] game!_

And I care, why? Is [insert country here] supposed to suddenly spark an interest in [insert game here]?

_Our satellite company delivers the BEST sports picture!_

Darling, I don't really watch television that often. Watching sports at home bores me. I only care if you're going to have Glee in HD.

_OMG THESE ARE THE BEST SMILEYS EVER AND LK THEY TALK CAN YOUR SMILEYS TALK NO THEY CAN'T BECAUSE YOURS SUCK AND OURS ROCK YOU CAN USE THEM EVERYWHERE ON MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, AIM…_

Behold! The Spencer Pratt of all emoticons…

^_Helloooooo?! _

Oh, Mr. Talking Smiley Pratt, you actually _do_ talk? (That wasn't just for show…) And, oh yay, it's almost dead-on with the real life Spencer Pratt's voice! This is just great- absolutely _phenomenal_.

^_Helloooooo?!_

Oh, so it's just when I roll over you. Thank goodness. Goodbye, Mr. Talking Smiley Pratt. Geez, you're annoying.

^_Hel-?!_

(backspace)

_[Insert wash-up American Idol star here] is starring in [insert little known off-Broadway musical] starting on [insert recently passed date]!_

I remember people trying to sell me tickets for this on the street of NYC… I'm not opposed to off-B'way stuff, but it just seems a little sketchy resorting to INTERNET POP UP ADS.

_Cheap shampoo with salon results!_

…I'm still bitter about a personal incident I had with a bargain shampoo company. For the record; the results dry out your hair. Unless your salon is constantly swamped with new beauty school graduates, you probably won't get "salon-quality" results with this bottle of crap.

_An all new expensive car. It's sexy. Gas guzzling, but sexy._

I can't even drive yet. When I go on fanfiction, I like to be reminded of that fact. /sarcasm

_Best free web game. :a model with an incomprehensible amount of cleavage:_

sarcasmAnd the award for 'The Tackiest Thing Since Hooters' goes to…

"_I was a teenage Voldemort"_ _and other fan shirts from a sketchy website._

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaa. Email recommended this for me after a surge of fanfiction emails.

_Shouldn't you be getting back to your other fanfictions, Allison?_

Wait… what the hell? You're not a pop-up ad!

_Well, partly true. I'm Mr. Talking Smiley Pratt. I'm haunting you until you get back to work._

Ugh, I like, _know_ I should and stuff.

_You have so many…_

Shut up Mr. Talking Smiley Pratt.

_Well, what are you going to continue right now?_

My Next to Normal ones. My drabble for Diana is long-overdue!

_What about the others?_

Ugh. Mr. Talking Smiley Pratt? Go screw yourself. I'm not in the mood.

_That's what she said._

WHY DO YOU STUPID EMOTICONS HAVE TO TALK? You're a perv… hey. It was, _you_ who set up that pervy first pop up, wasn't it?!

_Why, yes, it was. Mwahahaha._

You really suck, MTSP.

_It's revenge for comparing me to Spencer Pratt._

But you set that ad up before I got to yours.

_It was revenge for something you didn't do yet._

Then it's not revenge then; you're just being an ass.

_GET TO WORK. :disappears in a poof of smoke:_

…fine.

_The Idiot Test: Follow these instructions…_

Don't write about your shampoo fiasco, don't write about how you are so behind in your writing, and don't write about Spencer Pratt.

Repeat after me: just because I am blonde, doesn't mean I have the IQ of a Barbie Doll…

Well, um, can I just pretend I'm getting into character for something?

_With my depression, I feel like :insert symptoms here:_

Oh my God. I was just about to save and publish this so I could continue my drabble from the perspective of a bipolar depressive mother. (No, like, I was planning on ending this with 'The Idiot Test' but then I went on yahoo and this happened.)

Maybe the computer actually _is_ scanning my brain. ESP? Psh. I have MTSP.

**A/n: This is probably the strangest thing I've written in months. Reviews are totally appreciated. :D**


End file.
